“Granny…It’s Been 30 Years”

It’s hard to believe that yesterday was 30 years since my mother died…. January 13, 1996. She was 83 and I was 49. I’ve almost caught up with her as I will be 80 this year. Where has the time gone? 

As I take time to reflect on her life, having lived almost as long as she did, I gain new insights. I’m more appreciative and more understanding of all she faced. As a kid you just don’t have that perspective. I realize now how difficult it must have been for her having lost her husband at 42 and needing to be the head of the family with no real marketable skill. She didn’t even have a driver’s license. She had a high school degree ( only ~8% of the population had a college degree in 1956) but no particular skill. Although my father was a doctor he was not a great business man and our finances were not in great shape. 

So here we are moving back to St. Louis, living in a 3^rd floor apartment after having lived in a very nice home. She had a daughter in college, 2 sons ready to graduate high school and me in 5^th grade. She got a job as a medical secretary at St. Mary’s Hospital making a pretty menial salary. Her siblings were all doing very well but didn’t seem that interested in talking her under their wings. Her kids were her life, but they were all beginning to move out into their own lives. In the midst of this the demon of alcohol was lurking. She would work hard but then find herself alone and turn to the bottle. These were difficult years for my mother and for all of us. She kept fighting to do the right thing. She had faith in God, but it was hard. Over the next 20 years she grew in her love for the Lord and gradually won the victory over alcohol. Her life took on meaning as she continued to work and make friends and enjoy her children and grandchildren. All the suffering she experienced gave her compassion for others. 

Having gotten married in 1969, Judy and I moved east a few years later. My brother Tommy had the main responsibility for keeping things afloat during these most difficult years. In 1992 mother, with her VW and dog Bailey,  moved to New Jersey and spent her last 4+ years living with us and our 10 kids. Again it wasn’t easy, but she loved the kids and they loved her. They all have great memories of those years. As she was facing her last days she said to Judy, “now I know why I moved to live with you”. We were able to care for her and were there in her last moments…. Judy and I, along with all 10 kids praying, Jon leading us in “Be Exalted O God”, Suzanne seeing the last tear fall from her eye, Angela (who she knew the longest and loved so dearly), and Laurie, Cris, Mary, Pete, Anne, Dave, and Cath… all around her bed. She was no longer alone. We were all there with her when the Lord decided to take her home. Wow, it was 30 years ago. 

I realize more and more what a great job she did as she picked up the pieces of our life back in 1956. Despite all the challenges and disappointments, she didn’t quit. I’m so proud of Mary Elizabeth Dempsey Touhill. She was a good mother. She finished strong and died in the arms of her Lord…. 30 years ago.