“Shame… Part 2 – Healing”

As I was rereading the BLOG on “Shame” from last week, I realized that an addendum might be helpful, so I wanted to add a couple of things. As a reminder, “shame is the feeling that I have done something wrong and I don’t want others to know about it. It is the desire to hide my weakness, my imperfections and my failures from others.” (Bishop Andrew Cousins, Catholic Spirit, Mar. 21, 2019)

The original BLOG focused on “shame” that I was responsible for thru my sin and wrongdoing and some thoughts on how to work thru all of that. Yet there is also shame that is visited on me thru someone else’s sin or wrongdoing ….. situations where I was not at fault but someone else wronged me in some way, in word or deed, and I experience shamed… as if I caused the wrongdoing. Depending on the situations, I may feel “guilty and ashamed” even though I was innocent. Certainly children who are abused would be an example of what I’m talking about…but there’s certainly more examples.

In these cases, the person usually doesn’t need to ask forgiveness from God or anyone else; in these cases the person primarily needs healing. Help is needed in embracing the truth that I’m not at fault. They need to experience the love of God and others to bring about this healing. And they need to forgive (as hard as that might be) those who have hurt them.

This process is generally not simple. There may be psychological help needed in seeing all of this. Yet a key is experiencing the healing power of God in the midst of the trauma. God is not limited by time and can visit us in shameful situations from our past. I’ve experienced the Lord taking me back to certain situations from my past and bringing his power and concern and light and love into the difficult situation…. dispelling the darkness, removing the evil that is often present. In some ways it’s like a loving parent (or a loving John Wayne if needed) showing up and comforting and protecting a young child in the midst of a nightmare….. “it’s going to be okay…I’m here…nothing will hurt you.” For me, the hurtful memories lost much of their power over my life and I could now move on having been healed.

It’s important to remember that shame can be paralyzing…whether we caused it or someone else visited it upon us. Shame can cause us to be afraid to approach God. Regardless of the cause, the grace of God is available to enable us to conquer our shame. He will heal and deliver us…he will help us to forgive… and to ask forgiveness where needed.

This is a simple BLOG and there is certainly more to say. In truth our healing will not be fully complete until we see the Lord one day face to face. But in the meantime, please remember that Almighty God has paid the price to free us from sin and all the effects of that sin including shame. As we allow our loving God to heal and forgive, all will be well with our souls. And that is very good news.