“Padre Pio Never Went To Shoprite”

With Judy’s recent back problems, I’ve been doing some grocery shopping. Let’s be honest, I’m not a pro at this. Shoprite is a big store and you need to be on your game when you enter the doors. 

The saga begins with the list, written in pencil on a small piece of paper… obviously done in a bit of a hurry with a lot of abbreviations. No problem, the “old master” is ready to roll. I grab a basket and race into the store. We begin with a few “confidence builders”…the container of organic spinach, then quickly around the corner for the honey dew melon… be sure and get a good one. I’m picking up the pace.. the basket is hardly touching the ground, zipping in and out of traffic. I stop to examine the list and see soy sauce…… hmmmmmmm. The “old pathfinder” checks the signs, yikes not there. I ask a fellow shopper, who says “I think they moved it to isle 12”… thanks… hmmmmm not there. But then I hear from the top of the aisle, “here it is”. I’m becoming part of the fraternity of veteran shoppers; you can always tell them by the “serious no-nonsense  demeanor”, and the scars on their shins from the carts. 

Well I’m almost finished, but I’ve been saving the “toughie” for the end. Yep, you guessed it,  “Organic, Greek, Non-fat Yogurt, Plain, Shoprite brand.” The mention of it, can bring a cold sweat to even the most seasoned shopper. I “struck out” on this purchase the last two times, getting an icy response from Judy when I presented her with the wrong stuff. I’m searching and searching, getting 3, even 4 of the required 6 characteristics. Then Eureka, I spot a good friend, the Michael Jordan of Shoprite Shoppers. Quickly she’s on it, scanning here and there. Wow, she has it….. but my joy quickly turns to disappointment when I see it’s not the Shoprite brand; she only got  5 of the 6 categories. When I mention this, I’m bonked on the head with a stalk of celery, and hear, “close enough”. Those shoppers can be tough.

I’m not even going to mention that I had to substitute 3×3” Sticky Notes for  the 2×2” on my list. And what about the corn on the cob I discovered was rotten when I got it home, and the “wilted, slimy spinach”. Oh yes, I had to take all this back to the “dreaded” service desk the next day.

A BLOG does not give me nearly enough space to cover my recent trips to Shoprite. I could write a book on self checkout alone.  Well despite all this, I felt pretty good about myself as I made my way home and presented the treasures to Judy. She was very grateful and pretty happy with my results. 

And I am very grateful to my wonderful and holy wife who has been going to Shoprite for over 50 years and has never complained. You want to get holy, go to Shoprite.