“Shame”

“Shame is the feeling that I have done something wrong and I don’t want others to know about it. It is the desire to hide my weakness, my imperfections and my failures from others.” (Bishop Andrew Cousins, Catholic Spirit, Mar. 21, 2019)

 “Dave, have you ever been ashamed …… hmmmmm, I’m almost ashamed to answer that question…. you may ask me what caused my shame.” Well the truth is that all of us have things that we have done in our lives that we are ashamed of. 

In October 1962 we were at the height of the “Cuban Missile Crisis” . I was a junior in high school. There was a realization that we were inches away from a nuclear war. The confession lines were around the block… everyone wanted to get right with God. Even in the midst of this terrifying time, I was reluctant to go to confession; I was ashamed to go to confession… to reveal my sins. ( No, I’m not going to tell you what I was ashamed of…to be honest I don’t remember…thank God.) Shame can be paralyzing. Shame can cause us to be afraid to approach God…. “he will never forgive me…. he will turn his back on me and tell me to get lost.”

We need the grace of God to conquer our shame in order to approach God to receive his mercy. How does this happen? We need to be convinced that God loves us, even in our shameful sin. He doesn’t love us in a passive way, waiting for us to crawl back on our hands & knees and wait out in the cold until he decides to see us. Remember the parable that Jesus told of the father of the prodigal son (talk about shameful behavior) who ran to his sinful son and embraced him and kissed him and welcomed him home with a celebration.

Shame has a few different aspects. On one hand experiencing shame, humiliation and distress, is a sign that we have a conscience, that we still recognize “right from wrong”…. it can cause us to look for relief, to make right what was caused by our sinful action. On the other hand, left untreated, it can cause us to live under a cloud, hiding our self from others, constructing a false scenario for my life where my sinful action is accepted…. I become “proud” of my shame. It seems the tension of shame either leads to getting free from it thru repentance or burying it deep within my soul ….. like having a terrible secret I’m trying to hide.

It can be suggested that much of the evil in the world is connected to sin & the consequent shame that was never healed thru repentance and that manifests itself with trying to make the sin (the cause of my shame) seem acceptable. I now boast of my sin. If the shame due to my sin doesn’t lead to repentance, my sins will continue and even go deeper. “Is there no shame……”. Sinning thru weakness is one thing, sinning more deliberately is another. 

So Dave, what’s the point of this BLOG…. it seems a little complicated. Okay, let’s try and tie this together. Ready? All of us have experienced shame due to our sin and we know it’s can be very painful. The solution to that shame is repentance…. yet we can be too ashamed to repent, to go to confession…. “what will the priest think of me?” We’ve all been there. 

The truth is that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23); there is no new sin on the face of the earth. God is searching for us in order to forgive our sin. In confession, the priest brings God’s mercy to us and helps us to receive it. The type of your sin is not the issue; God is there to welcome you home…. wherever it falls in the list of 10 commandments. God is there with his arms open…no exclusions. “Oh but Dave, you don’t know what I’ve done…. true, but God knows and is ready to receive you home”. Maybe you’ve sinned against all 10 commandments… blaspheming, abortion, murder, stealing, adultery, fornication, lying, etc., etc., etc. There are no exclusions to God’s mercy. (Oh as a reminder , some of the greatest saints were some of the greatest sinners)

While there is always more to say, we need to end. So remember that Almighty God has paid the price to free us from our sin and all the effects of that sin including shame. So may each of us swallow our pride and fear and ask the Lord to forgive us of any unrepentant sins, regardless of how shameful, and get free. Ah, freedom…… it is so good.